Wednesday, January 27, 2016


I find myself making deals.
Making deals with the Unseen.
If you give me this, then
and only then will I give you that.

It makes almost anyone
a faux believer
How long does the faith linger?
Only time will tell.

The stakes are sky high.
Stacked high are my bargaining chips.
Slippery fingers shaking.
Might leave me in debt.


Friday, October 17, 2014

Just because..

I am a peace loving person
doesn't mean that I am at peace.


Saturday, June 28, 2014

We are all onions here

One look at a person and you barely see anything. Sure, you see the person's physical appearance. But you are missing out on so much! You don't see the layers, the plots, the subplots. You don't realize there might be unreliable narrators narrating the story of his life. A light to someone's life and yet a tyrant to some! The characters keep changing their course of action landing them in more trouble than needed. One moment the protagonist, can soon change to a mere extra, looking helplessly into another scene. He might not always be able to save the day like a superhero.There is no script. It's all an improv out there. Happy endings might not always happen. Heart breaks may not be mended. Yet, there might be days when he feels like he is the king of the world. Listen closely and you might even hear the soundtrack of his life! But who has the time to pause and look into another person's life. His victories and tribulations: all his own.
So many sublayers to one's life. You don't see any of that standing 5 feet away from the guy. All you see is a guy with a forgettable face delivering your pizza on a Thursday night. All he sees is a miserable and lonely you, too lazy to cook and who paid him a tip way too less for the effort he put in.

Layers: Nobody sees them.You are lost in them, alone.

Friday, June 6, 2014


All these hellos, the goodbyes.
The please's, the thankyou's.
The polite smiles, the nods.
Most of them, most of the time
don't care.
Yet, they do it anyway.
Far from the feral age.
Civilization, they call it.
Sometimes darling,
it drives
the sanity right out of me.
The heart yearns divine solitude.

P.S - I have been a lousy blogger, I know. I have missed writing and reading the other blogs. The hiatus was not planned. You know how life is this sneaky person throwing curveballs at us all the time. So every now and then it turns out to be a really good thing? I know I am being cryptic and doing a bad job at it.What I am trying to say is, I think I am going to be more active henceforth. I have loads to talk so keep your ears to the ground! :)

Thursday, April 17, 2014


Routine is therapeutic,
when you are at peace folding your laundry.
When a smile plays at the corners of your lips,
as a random conversation replays in your head.
And you smell the clean scent of freshly washed linen.

Routine becomes a curse,
when one look at your overflowing laundry basket
makes you contemplate all your life's choices.
You think, is it time already?
You  just washed a truckload of clothes.

The cycle continues.


Friday, March 28, 2014

Leave me bruises, leave me breathless.

After a while, you get somewhat addicted to the pain. Not that you would go and hammer a nail on your palm, but you strain out a certain painful pleasure thinking about it. You are repelled by your growing temptation towards pain. You think that you can't take the pain anymore but a part of you knows that you can take much more than this. Patiently you listen to them telling you it will work out, that it will be alright. You nod your head in agreement. Somewhe deep inside you a voice questions, what if.. it doesn't work? what if.. everything don't turn out the way you want? what then? Your stubborn belief for a happy ending, a positive outcome trembles ever so lightly.
Many a time you think your heart cannot take it anymore, that it will explode unless you vent it out. You think of the last time you cried your heart out and you can't remember when. Every now and then, your eyes brim with wasteful briny tears threatening to wreck the walls of your sanity. You swiftly wipe them off because you are too practical and concerned about your congested nose later on!
So you don't cry. You dream of good times..make fervent plans, too far in your future. Then, retreat back fearing what if they don't come true. Then just like that, you are overshadowed by despair and what ifs. The despair pushes right through you. Just for a second, you let it seep into your cells. It feels so good to wallow in self pity. You have been through so much. You deserve so much better. It feels almost blissful to just sit and pity yourself. Snap out of it, you think. You heave three long breaths and convince yourself, you feel much better. You push them all out. Out of your system, the good thoughts and the bad ones.
You float through it all. The pain, the sorrow, the disappointments, the paranoia becomes a part of who you are. You can no longer separate yourself from them. Some days you let them consume you, leaving you breathless. On good days, you wear them around like battle wounds. You dream of a day the wounds and violet green bruises would just be a faint scar. You would trace your finger on the scars, reminisce your battle days. You also dream to miss the pain pulsing through you. You long to look back and think you were strong even when you thought you were weak. You were persistent even when you thought you couldn't go on.
You wait for all that to happen. While right now, pain flows freely through your veins.


Saturday, March 15, 2014

Reading Minds

It would be a blatant lie if you said you spent every waking hour thinking of her. You didn't. You have a life, your own things to worry about. At the same time, it's not that you didn't think of her. You so did. She had this knack of creeping into your thoughts. Unannounced and demanding, she would enamor your whole being. It never ceases to amuse you how even the most mundane things seem to remind you of her.
A long forgotten song would straight away take you to the sleepless nights you both spent talking on the phone. Time spent simply listening to her voice. After what seems like minutes, she would fall asleep and the call not yet disconnected. You do not disconnect, you spend some more time listening to her light snoring. She would deny it with a vengeance if you ever told her about the snoring. A random fragrance would remind you of her scent. You were not sure whether it was her perfume or her shampoo. Heck, you didn't even know how to describe the fragrance. Was it fruity or flowery? A whiff and you had her gushing through you.
You would be going about living your humdrum life, when your mind is bombarded with her thoughts. It would suddenly and  inevitably light up every cell in your being, like fireworks on a moonless night. You would smile, shake your head in slight disbelief. How can an unassuming girl steal your mind and leave you aching for the next time you meet.

You realize that you are an absolute cliche when it comes to her. You would be reading and before you realize, you had been reading the same line for the past five minutes. Yet again, she has come and conquered your thoughts. Her laughter, her insecurity over her laughter. The way she averts her eyes when she catches you staring. You love how easily she blushes. Little pink splotches on her pale face. She is a shy girl but pretends otherwise.
You could barely hide your surprise, how easily she took your hand for the first time and held them. Taking the 2 steps between you both, she had held your face, smiled self consciously and proceeded to take your breath away by kissing you. You had given so much thought about your first kiss and never expected it the way it turned out. Thinking about the kiss you wonder, whether it was you who was the shy one! You wonder how you both clicked. You were both as different as night and day. In your mind, she would be the night. A starlit night in the woods with the moon in all its glory.
 She asks you, do you ever think about me when we are not together? You almost laugh out loud at the absurdity of the question and answer yes, ofcourse you do. You notice that her smile has faltered. She has most likely misinterpreted your lame grin. She remains quiet, silently urging you to continue. She expects more than that. You don't say anything more. She is obviously disappointed. If only she could read your mind.